Tuesday, December 30, 2008

New Year's resolution

A promise you make to yourself to start doing something good or stop doing something bad on the first day of the year.

It's a commitment to a project or the reforming of a habit, often a lifestyle change.

They go into effect on New Year's Day and could be fulfilled but most often they are abandoned.

A: "Have you made any New Year's resolutions?"
B: "Yes, I'm going to eat more healthily and give up smoking."

Most popular New Year's resolutions:

  • Lose Weight
  • Gain Weight
  • Pay Off Debt/s
  • Save Money
  • Get a Better Job
  • Get Fit
  • Eat Right
  • Get a Better Education
  • Drink less Alcohol
  • Quit Smoking
  • Reduce Stress
  • Take a Trip
  • Volunteer to Help Others
  • Be Less Grumpy

Monday, December 29, 2008

no strings attached


Unconditional. A relationship with no special demands.
Can friends with benefits-- or bed buddies -- really benefit both parties, or is there usually unexpected emotional fallout?

During Julia's junior year in college, she met a great guy. But she didn't want to date him. "I was at the end of another relationship that had been really good. So I don't think I was psychologically ready to get involved again and at the same time, I was pretty horny," she recalls.
So after a halfhearted attempt at a romantic relationship, Julia and Steve decided that what they really wanted was "friendship with a little sex thrown in." For years after that, whenever both of them were single at the same time, they would sleep together. "Friends of mine always used to hope that we would get together, but I always knew there was nothing but friendship," Julia says.
Having regular, no-strings-attached sex with someone you're not romantically involved with has become such a cultural phenomenon that it's acquired a name --"friends with benefits." (Others call it "bed buddies," or use more explicit terms.) For Julia and Steve, it worked out well -- the "benefits" part of their friendship ended when she met the man who is now her husband, but they're still close, and get together for dinner when he's in town. But are they the rule or the exception? Can "friends with benefits" really benefit both parties, or is there usually unexpected emotional fallout?

give me a break!

"Give me a break" is something you say when you suspect that someone is pulling your leg or joking with you. It is also used when you don't believe what someone is telling you.

A: "My father makes 100 dollars an hour working at the sausage factory"
B: "Give me a break. Sausage makers don't make that much money"

A: "U2 is the best rock band in the world"
B: "Give me a break. Just because they're the most popular doesn't mean they're the best"

A: "If you don't do a good job on this report, the boss is going to fire you"
B: "Give me a break. The boss would never fire me"

trial period

Period of time during which someone or something is tested.

Most employers will employ a person with a trial period. If the trial period is for three months, at the end of this time (or during), the employer can ask the employee to leave without notice and without the employee being able to claim unfair dismissal.

The idea of a trial period is to test whether or not a person is suitable for the position.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

rain or shine

No matter what happens. When you say 'rain or shine', it implies that an activity will be carried out, no matter what.

I'll see you on Thursday, rain or shine.
Rain or shine, I'll be there, I promise.
We will meet up and go dancing, rain or shine.
We're moving to our new apartment tomorrow, rain or shine.
We promised we would finish the project tomorrow, rain or shine.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

look forward to

You look forward to something when you feel excited about something that is going to happen in the near future.

look forward + to + noun: I'm really looking forward to my trip.
look forward + to + verb(ing): She was looking forward to seeing the grandchildren again.

I'm not looking forward to Christmas this year.

At the end of a letter or email, to say you hope to hear from or see someone soon, or that you expect something from them.

I look forward to hearing from you.
I look forward to meeting with you soon.


beggars can't be choosers


You say that when you can't have exactly what you want so you must accept whatever you can get.

People who depend on the generosity of others can't dictate what others give them.

I would have preferred a house of my own rather than sharing but I suppose beggars can't be choosers.

‘I'm already 38 so at this point of my life I would marry any man with a good character and a fine estate...beggars can't be choosers.'

sugar daddy

(noun) (slang) A rich and usually older man who buys presents for or gives money to a young person, especially a woman, usually in order to spend time with her or have a sexual relationship with her.



A wealthy, usually older man who gives expensive gifts to a young person in return for sexual favors or companionship.




The aspiring young actress and the sugar daddy are a classic combination in Hollywood.

My Sugar Daddy

by Melissa Beech, from http://www.thedailybeast.com/ published November 30, 2008


Some might call it prostitution. I call it a "mutually beneficial arrangement" that pays for my killer wardrobe.

Mutually Beneficial Arrangement. That is the polite term that popular culture has coined for the type of relationship I’m in. Had one asked me if this was the sort of relationship I could see myself being involved in a few years ago, the answer would have been absolutely not.
I am a college student in suburban Pennsylvania. I grew up here, in an area called the Main Line. For those of you who have seen the movie The Philadelphia Story, you’re familiar with this nook of the country, where the blood is as blue as the sky, and the wealth as abundant. My family is composed of traditional Irish Catholic Republicans, a family in which sex and money are taboo topics that need not be discussed. But one thing my background has provided me is an invaluable tool for success: I was blessed to have been raised with class, sent to the best schools, and taught to be well-read, well-spoken, and well-traveled.
From the outside, a mutually beneficial, or sugar daddy, relationship seems immoral. Maybe even the distant cousin of—dare I say it?—prostitution.
But when I got to college, I spent the first two years straining for financial independence. I tried working, but in retail, surrounded by temptation all day, I spent more than I made. Waiting tables was exhausting. I went on several job interviews, but all of the internships were unpaid. As my years in college wore on, it was evident that the job market was sliding into decline. When the economic climate grew worse, my friends panicked that their resumes and high GPAs wouldn’t be enough to give them a leg up on the competition, and my goal became getting my foot in the door before everyone else.
And then, just such an opportunity presented itself. During my job hunt, I met a potential employer. He was in his early 30s, single, and successful. He didn’t hire me, but he did suggest a position that seemed perfectly suited to my attributes and skills: He proposed that he become my benefactor.
From the outside, a mutually beneficial, or sugar daddy, relationship seems immoral. Maybe even the distant cousin of—dare I say it?—prostitution. But truth be told, women have used their wiles and charms to get ahead for years.
There’s even a social networking website that connects sugar daddies and their beneficiaries. This man told me about it: SeekingArrangement.com. He had been referred to it by a close friend who was a hedge fund manager. At his urging, I logged onto the site and looked at his profile. It didn’t have a picture, for privacy reasons. But it did contain information: his marital status (single), the industry he worked in (media and communications), and—a key element—his salary (seven figures). I was encouraged by the fact that the website vets its clients and offers only Certified Sugar Daddies, whose tax returns have been carefully examined so you know what you’re getting. I also learned that he was attracted to bright, smart women—he wasn’t in the market for the dumb bombshell. His profile said he wanted more of “a Jackie Kennedy than a Marilyn Monroe.” I fit the type.
It presented me with an opportunity I never would have thought to consider. Being in a relationship that was like a business arrangement? Where was the romance in that? I toyed with the idea for a few weeks, mulling over the possible repercussions. The pros were evident: This man was a successful professional in the media community who could provide me with excellent connections. But there was the social stigma to consider. And did I even like this guy? I wasn’t sure. So I agreed to meet him for dinner to discuss how this should go, if it were to happen. I also had several questions I wanted answered.
So we had dinner, and I was surprised to find that he had questions for me. He wanted to know what newspapers I read, what my favorite book is and why, where I stood on the political spectrum, and how I liked to spend my Saturdays. I was intrigued when many of our answers were similar.
He was a likable person, and by the end of the evening I found myself very attracted to him. I laid out my ground rules and he laid out his. He was looking for this type of a relationship because his past girlfriends hadn’t understood that his work would always come first. He valued their place in his life but ended up resenting them because of the stress and pressure they placed on his already hectic lifestyle. Then, much as I could imagine him doing while standing at the head of a conference table in a boardroom, he presented what I’ll call his financial package.
He offered me a monthly allowance, guaranteed a steady stream of desirable gifts, and promised regular vacations. He offered to send my friends and me on girls’ weekend getaways to spas and resorts. Other trips, he said, could be working vacations for the both of us, some fun mixed with some hands-on learning for me. And yet others could be just the two of us seeing the most amazing and beautiful places in the world. We discussed places we had both been and would like to share with each other. When he learned I had never been to London he was dying to have that experience with me.
My stipulations were that I wanted to wait until I knew him better before we had sex, and I needed distance between him and my family—they know I have a relationship with an older, well-established man, but they don’t know about the financial arrangement. I never felt it was necessary. For safety reasons in the beginning, I told my very best friend about him, and that was it. I told her I was going out with an older man I had met while interviewing for a job and where I would be. I also gave her his business card and cell number in case something should happen. Also, our relationship could never interfere with my schoolwork.
We started out on a trial basis, but in the first month I was already swept off my feet. He was very busy with work so we only saw each other in person a few times, but he put effort into the relationship nonetheless. We went to Atlantic City for a weekend and stayed at the Borgata, the poshest hotel in town. We spent the day on the beach, and even took a nighttime tour of the city by helicopter. When we finally had sex, it was at the right time—I waited three months before I felt ready to make a physical commitment to him. This was no different from any of my other relationships. We’ve now been seeing each other for a year.
As for the allowance, he doesn’t just cut me a check. He simply ensures that I need never worry about expenses. I rent a $1,600 apartment in the city, for which he pays the rent in full. I carry an AmEx Black card in both our names, and use it for things like shopping, spa trips, manicures, and tanning; the bill goes to him. And the company car I drive costs him around $700 a month for the lease and the insurance. I’ve even managed to build up a little nest egg over the past year—at his insistence—putting away around $12,000. All in all, he probably spends in the ballpark of $5,000 a month on my lifestyle.
He didn’t hire me for the internship position, but because of him I have had several internships at well-known PR companies, and have plenty of networking opportunities, shoring up my future prospects for when I graduate this spring. Besides career advancements, he’s given me a chance to live the type of life I never would have experienced on my own. We went to London and Paris last spring, where we saw the sights and shopped at stores like Chanel and Dior. How many other college students are wearing Christian Louboutins to class?
Probably very few. And I’m well aware that this is the kind of relationship where there are no guarantees for your heart, but it’s helped me prepare for the future and thrive in the present. And when our time together is through, I will part with a lifelong friend, a great career, and a killer wardrobe.
Melissa Beech is a college senior in Philadelphia majoring in journalism and economics, and is an intern at a public relations firm specializing in crisis communications and media relations. She hopes to work in broadcast journalism after completing a graduate degree. Melissa Beech is a pseudonym.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Graham Greene: A Life in Letters (Edited by Richard Greene)

From http://www.nytimes.com/

By DWIGHT GARNER
Published: December 9, 2008

“Don’t make your books any shorter, please,” Graham Greene implored his friend Muriel Spark in a 1974 letter, “or you’ll disappear like Beckett.”
Greene himself didn’t want to disappear, even briefly, from anyone’s radar screen; throughout his long life he was determinedly prolific. He published more than 25 novels, among them near-masterpieces like “The Power and the Glory” (1940) and “The End of the Affair” (1951). He wrote four books of autobiography, three travel books, a book of verse and nearly 20 plays and screenplays. Greene also issued, as if he kept a Mini-Me in his attaché case, a relentless stream of other material: essays, newspaper reportage, short stories, film and book reviews. The jobbing writer and the artist in him were sometimes at war with each other (Greene wrote a lot of guff), but just as often they effortlessly intertwined.
On top of all this, it turns out, Greene (1904-1991) was committed to yet another genre: he was among the 20th century’s most obsessive letter writers. He dashed off or dictated some 2,000 letters or postcards each year, posting them to family, friends, lovers, editors, agents and a galaxy of fellow writers, including Evelyn Waugh, Elizabeth Bowen, Anthony Powell, John Betjeman, R. K. Narayan, Vaclav Havel, Kurt Vonnegut and Shirley Hazzard. The to-and-fro of these letters, a kind of intellectual tennis, seemed to keep his color and spirits high.
In “Graham Greene: A Life in Letters,” tens of thousands of his letters have been pared down to a tidy 400 or so by Richard Greene (not related), an associate professor at the University of Toronto. As good as these letters can be — Graham Greene is, by turns, fond, cranky, depressive, mischievous — one trusts this book’s editor when he suggests that a complete edition of them would be overkill, “valuable for scholars but otherwise forbidding and essentially unreadable.”
Like the best books of literary letters, this volume reads like brisk, epistolary biography. We follow Greene from when he leaves home (he grew up near London, the son of a public-school headmaster) to attend Balliol College, Oxford, where he read history. We watch him woo and wed Vivienne Dayrell-Browning, and try to settle into family life and a writing career.
The family life aspect never took hold. Greene had, in every sense, a wandering eye. He needed constant travel (there are letters here from Cuba, Vietnam, Chile, the Congo and every place in between) and constant sexual companionship, whether from long-term lovers, transient female admirers or prostitutes. Many other letters deal with politics — Greene’s were leftist but unpredictable — and his tortured Roman Catholicism.
This epistolary biography has a not subtle agenda. Richard Greene is no admirer of previous biographies of Graham Greene, especially Norman Sherry’s three-part, 2,251-page monster, the final volume of which appeared in 1994. Many critics felt Sherry dwelled in too much queasy-making detail on Greene’s wayward sex life. (I am sympathetic to, yet remain agnostic about, this argument, especially given that Greene wrote a coded appraisal of 47 prostitutes with whom he’d had sex. The real tragedy about Sherry’s book is its numbing length.)
Richard Greene hopes these letters balance the scales. His introduction speaks for Greene’s better angels: “Graham Greene was a man of decency and courage,” he writes. “He chronicled the suffering of the world’s most oppressed people and devoted his life to writing books that enriched the lives of millions.”
There is much evidence here of Greene’s big-hearted side. To give just a few examples: at his memorial service Muriel Spark recalled how, when she was poor, ill and unknown, Greene sent her a check for 20 pounds each month, along with a few bottles of red wine, an added gesture, she said, “which took the edge off cold charity.” There is another moving letter in which Greene begs his French agent (“I’m scared of your reaction”) to allow him to buy her a new car for Christmas. And what the hey, he seemed to enjoy smoking pot with his adult son.
But it’s Greene’s thornier side that makes this collection sing. His literary table talk pricks up your ears. He calls Iris Murdoch and Kingsley Amis “two of the worst novelists” of his time. “Ulysses,” he writes, is “a big bore” and “really one of the most overrated classics.” He calls John Kenneth Galbraith his favorite American writer.
Here is his elegant put-down of Ian Fleming: “He offered to let me have it” — a house in Jamaica — “rent free if I would write an Introduction to an omnibus volume of his novels for America, and I had rather tactfully to explain that I would prefer to pay rent.”
And here, from 1977, is Greene’s cool appraisal of “Dispatches,” Michael Herr’s classic of Vietnam reportage: “I was rather put off by the opening part which seemed to me too excitable, but Herr calmed down a bit later. I think when one is dealing with horrors one should write very coldly. Otherwise it reads like hidden boasting — ‘just see what a brave chap I am to have voluntarily put myself in the way of such experiences.’ ”
In other letters Greene could be effortlessly epigrammatic. “Nature doesn’t really interest me — except in so far as it may contain an ambush — that is, something human,” he wrote in 1950. When Viking Press in 1969 urged him to change the title of his book “Travels With My Aunt” to something more saleable, Greene sent the following cable: “Would rather change publisher than title.”
As Greene grew increasingly well known, these letters fill with plummy celebrity cameos: he spends time on a boat with Laurence Olivier (Greene calls him “Larry”) and Vivien Leigh; there are late nights in Havana with Fidel Castro in the 1960s; he has his fortune told by Truman Capote; he visits with Alfred Hitchcock, Vaclav Havel and Evelyn Waugh.
Fame had its bothers too. From the Congo, Greene wrote: “My siesta interrupted yesterday by a schoolmaster who had also written a novel. I think if I found myself washed up on a desert island with one inhabitant he would have a novel he wanted published.”
In a melancholy letter to his wife, Vivienne, after their divorce, Greene confesses that he has been a rotten husband and father. His character, he observes, is “profoundly antagonistic to ordinary domestic life.” These letters make it plain: what was painful for the people around Greene was vital to his art.
“I’ve had an odd life when I come to think of it,” Greene wrote his mother in 1942, in two sentences that just about sum up these letters. “Useless and sometimes miserable, but bizarre and on the whole not boring.”

Thursday, December 4, 2008

The 10 Best Books of 2008



The editors of the Book Review have selected these titles from the list of 100 Notable Books of 2008.
FICTION
  1. DANGEROUS LAUGHTERThirteen StoriesBy Steven Millhauser.Alfred A. Knopf, $24.
    In his first collection in five years, a master fabulist in the tradition of Poe and Nabo­kov invents spookily plausible parallel universes in which the deepest human emotions and yearnings are transformed into their monstrous opposites. Millhauser is especially attuned to the purgatory of adolescence. In the title story, teenagers attend sinister “laugh parties”; in another, a mysteriously afflicted girl hides in the darkness of her attic bedroom. Time and again these parables revive the possibility that “under this world there is another, waiting to be born.” (Excerpt)
  2. A MERCYBy Toni Morrison.Alfred A. Knopf, $23.95.
    The fate of a slave child abandoned by her mother animates this allusive novel — part Faulknerian puzzle, part dream-song — about orphaned women who form an eccentric household in late-17th-century America. Morrison’s farmers and rum traders, masters and slaves, indentured whites and captive Native Americans live side by side, often in violent conflict, in a lawless, ripe American Eden that is both a haven and a prison — an emerging nation whose identity is rooted equally in Old World superstitions and New World appetites and fears. (First Chapter)
  3. NETHERLANDBy Joseph O’Neill.Pantheon Books, $23.95.
    O’Neill’s seductive ode to New York — a city that even in bad times stubbornly clings to its belief “in its salvific worth” — is narrated by a Dutch financier whose privileged Manhattan existence is upended by the events of Sept. 11, 2001. When his wife departs for London with their small son, he stays behind, finding camaraderie in the unexpectedly buoyant world of immigrant cricket players, most of them West Indians and South Asians, including an entrepreneur with Gatsby-size aspirations. (First Chapter)
  4. 2666By Roberto Bolaño. Translated by Natasha Wimmer.Farrar, Straus & Giroux, cloth and paper, $30.
    Bolaño, the prodigious Chilean writer who died at age 50 in 2003, has posthumously risen, like a figure in one of his own splendid creations, to the summit of modern fiction. This latest work, first published in Spanish in 2004, is a mega- and meta-detective novel with strong hints of apocalyptic foreboding. It contains five separate narratives, each pursuing a different story with a cast of beguiling characters — European literary scholars, an African-American journalist and more — whose lives converge in a Mexican border town where hundreds of young women have been brutally murdered. (Excerpt)
  5. UNACCUSTOMED EARTH By Jhumpa Lahiri.Alfred A. Knopf, $25.
    There is much cultural news in these precisely observed studies of modern-day Bengali-Americans — many of them Ivy-league strivers ensconced in prosperous suburbs who can’t quite overcome the tug of traditions nurtured in Calcutta..With quiet artistry and tender sympathy, Lahiri creates an impressive range of vivid characters — young and old, male and female, self-knowing and self-deluding — in engrossing stories that replenish the classic themes of domestic realism: loneliness, estrangement and family discord. (Excerpt)
    NONFICTION
  6. THE DARK SIDEThe Inside Story of How the War on Terror Turned Into a War on American IdealsBy Jane Mayer.Doubleday, $27.50.
    Mayer’s meticulously reported descent into the depths of President Bush’s anti­terrorist policies peels away the layers of legal and bureaucratic maneuvering that gave us Guantánamo Bay, “extraordinary rendition,” “enhanced” interrogation methods, “black sites,” warrantless domestic surveillance and all the rest. But Mayer also describes the efforts ofunsung heroes, tucked deep inside the administration, who risked their careers in the struggle to balance the rule of law against the need to meet a threat unlike any other in the nation’s history.
  7. THE FOREVER WARBy Dexter Filkins.Alfred A. Knopf, $25.
    The New York Times correspondent, whose tours of duty have taken him from Afghanistan in 1998 to Iraq during the American intervention, captures a decade of armed struggle in harrowingly detailed vignettes. Whether interviewing jihadists in Kabul, accompanying marines on risky patrols in Falluja or visiting grieving families in Baghdad, Filkins makes us see, with almost hallucinogenic immediacy, the true human meaning and consequences of the “war on terror.” (First Chapter)
  8. NOTHING TO BE FRIGHTENED OFBy Julian Barnes.Alfred A. Knopf, $24.95.
    This absorbing memoir traces Barnes’s progress from atheism (at age 20) to agnosticism (at 60) and examines the problem of religion not by rehashing the familiar quarrel between science and mystery, but rather by weighing the timeless questions of mortality and aging. Barnes distills his own experiences — and those of his parents and brother — in polished and wise sentences that recall the writing of Montaigne, Flaubert and the other French masters he includes in his discussion. (First Chapter)
  9. THIS REPUBLIC OF SUFFERINGDeath and the American Civil WarBy Drew Gilpin Faust.Alfred A. Knopf, $27.95.
    In this powerful book, Faust, the president of Harvard, explores the legacy, or legacies, of the “harvest of death” sown and reaped by the Civil War. In the space of four years, 620,000 Americans died in uniform, roughly the same number as those lost in all the nation’s combined wars from the Revolution through Korea. This doesn’t include the thousands of civilians killed in epidemics, guerrilla raids and draft riots. The collective trauma created “a newly centralized nation-state,” Faust writes, but it also established “sacrifice and its memorialization as the ground on which North and South would ultimately reunite.” (First Chapter)
  10. THE WORLD IS WHAT IT ISThe Authorized Biography of V. S. NaipaulBy Patrick French.Alfred A. Knopf, $30.
    The most surprising word in this biography is “authorized.” Naipaul, the greatest of all postcolonial authors, cooperated fully with French, opening up a huge cache of private letters and diaries and supplementing the revelations they disclosed with remarkably candid interviews. It was a brave, and wise, decision. French, a first-rate biographer, has a novelist’s command of story and character, and he patiently connects his subject’s brilliant oeuvre with the disturbing facts of an unruly life. (First Chapter)