have

Definition. Have means to "own" or "possess".

Examples.

• I have a house
• We have two children
• I don't have a car
• I have a job
• We have a family
• Mr Gates has a lot of money
• Everybody has cellphones

Other expressions.

• have breakfast, have lunch, have dinner
• have a snack, have a drink
• have something to eat, have something to drink
• have a cup of coffee, have a cup of tea
• have a meeting, have a party
• have a date (romantic meeting)
• have a good time
• have fun
• have an argument
• have a class, have an exam
• have an appointment (with the doctor, with the dentist)
• When you're sick: have a cold, have a headache, have a stomachache, have a sore throat
• have a nice day, have a good trip
• She's going to have a baby next month (give birth)
• I don't have time to listen to your nonsense
• I had the time of my life
• I'm having problems with my computer
• I have good news for you
• I'm afraid I don't have good news
• Do you have any children?
• Would you like to have lunch with me?

"Each player must accept the cards life deals him or her: but once they are in hand, he or she alone must decide how to play the cards in order to win the game"

Voltaire

A tortoise and a snail

(From www.livinginperu.com)

One day a tortoise was walking along the middle of the road. It was raining heavily. He wasn't looking where he was going and he crashed into a snail which was crossing the road. The tortoise quickly disappeared into the crowd but the snail was seriously injured. An ambulance arrived at once and took him straight to the hospital, where he was operated on. It was a difficult operation but it was a great success. After three days the snail felt much better and was sitting up in bed reading.

The police came to interview him and showed him pictures of different tortoises to see if he could identify the one who had hit him. After seeing fifty pictures of identical tortoises, the snail started crying and said,

" I'm sorry. I can't remember. Everything happened so fast."

The Maid's Pay Raise...

(By the way I got this joke from www.livinginperu.com, it's a great website, check it out!...)


The maid wanted a salary increase. Madam was very upset about this and asked,

"Now Maria, why do you want a salary increase?"

Maria: "Well Madam, there are three reasons why I want an increase. First, I iron better than you."

Madam: "Who said you iron better than me?"

Maria, "The Master said so."

Madam: "Oh"

Maria: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."

Madam: "Nonsense, who said you are a better cook than me?"

Maria: "The Master did."

Madam: "Oh."

Maria: "My third reason is that I am a better lover than you."

Madam: (very upset now) "Did the Master say that as well?"

Maria: "No Madam, the gardener did."

------ (SHE GOT THE RAISE) ----

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.

Author: Helen Keller

Male vs. female at the ATM machine

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.'

*******************************

MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
**************************

FEMALE PROCEDURE:

Unfortunately, most of this part is the Truth!!!

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.!
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

Send this to a man who needs a laugh and to the ladies you think can handle it!

When Grandma goes to court

(From livinginperu.com)

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer...


In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,:

"If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair."